my friends aren’t allowed to be friends with each other they can only be friends with me and the only time they can talk to each other is to discuss how much they love me
(via fuckyeahloldemort)Source: fffcuk
one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me.
and it is Akon. So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon”
he said you too and floated on.
(via gnuliet)Source: landofbluesmoke
fifty shades (thats it. thats the whole joke. im wearing 50 pairs of sunglasses right now this is comedy gold people)
“ya but how many chainz” i holler from the back of the crowd. suddenly its my show and your girlfriend is on my arm now. shes also a man and your gay
(via castrovulva)Source: 2chaaaaaaaainz